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ontrack haven't felt happiness in a long time; didn't think it would be possible for me to feel it especially since my family is still not on speaking terms with one another, but i saw one of my closest friends the other day and i wanted to cry out of sheer joy because seeing her after so long was so nice .
i guess it's also because i've been cooped up at home for months now too, just repeating the same days over and over again, going back and forth between trying to communicate with my family members that don't care about what i have to say that leaving my apartment felt a bit like the freedom i used to have back when things were still okay (at home and pre-pandemic).
my friend and i got lunch together and we spent nearly three hours just talking in the restaurant about everything and nothing. before i met up with her, my heart was literally racing at the thought of meeting up with her. i'm not the same person i was before we last saw each other in high school. we did see each other briefly a few months ago for my birthday, but that was too short for it to count. i was a little scared that she might not recognize me anymore, might not like the person i've turned into.
but it didn't really matter to her, i guess, because we laughed at each other from the very moment our eyes met---she was already inside the restaurant with a table for us, while i stood in front of her line of vision outside the venue with only a thin glass window separating us. i felt very Normal for once. talking to her made me forget about the problems i had waiting for me back at home, and i haven't felt so relaxed in months.
i thought i was going to cry that day, but i didn't. but i wanted to. i was outside, the sun was on me, i didn't have to think about home life, and i was with my friend, and she made me feel very normal.
by the end of the day, i was just praying for time to go by slower because i didn't want to part ways just yet. i missed her company and i didn't want to go back home, but we eventually had to say our goodbyes. for a very brief moment, i was tempted to ask for a hug. i think i used to be more okay with physical touch before the pandemic, but now it makes me feel weird. and not because i'm afraid of getting sick, but because of something else i'm not exactly sure of. but anyway, i didn't ask for one because it would've been weird and awkward, but i like to think that a few broken pieces in me would've been put back together had i gotten one.
my sweaty shirt stuck to my skin as i walked back to my apartment, partially saddened by the fact that the day i had been looking forward to for so long was already over, and partially resigned to the horrible awakening i had waiting for me at home. the sun had already set after a whole day of it shining down so brightly on us, and it felt a little symbolic.
and then, as if the world was playing some cruel joke on me, it started to drizzle.
i guess it's also because i've been cooped up at home for months now too, just repeating the same days over and over again, going back and forth between trying to communicate with my family members that don't care about what i have to say that leaving my apartment felt a bit like the freedom i used to have back when things were still okay (at home and pre-pandemic).
my friend and i got lunch together and we spent nearly three hours just talking in the restaurant about everything and nothing. before i met up with her, my heart was literally racing at the thought of meeting up with her. i'm not the same person i was before we last saw each other in high school. we did see each other briefly a few months ago for my birthday, but that was too short for it to count. i was a little scared that she might not recognize me anymore, might not like the person i've turned into.
but it didn't really matter to her, i guess, because we laughed at each other from the very moment our eyes met---she was already inside the restaurant with a table for us, while i stood in front of her line of vision outside the venue with only a thin glass window separating us. i felt very Normal for once. talking to her made me forget about the problems i had waiting for me back at home, and i haven't felt so relaxed in months.
i thought i was going to cry that day, but i didn't. but i wanted to. i was outside, the sun was on me, i didn't have to think about home life, and i was with my friend, and she made me feel very normal.
by the end of the day, i was just praying for time to go by slower because i didn't want to part ways just yet. i missed her company and i didn't want to go back home, but we eventually had to say our goodbyes. for a very brief moment, i was tempted to ask for a hug. i think i used to be more okay with physical touch before the pandemic, but now it makes me feel weird. and not because i'm afraid of getting sick, but because of something else i'm not exactly sure of. but anyway, i didn't ask for one because it would've been weird and awkward, but i like to think that a few broken pieces in me would've been put back together had i gotten one.
my sweaty shirt stuck to my skin as i walked back to my apartment, partially saddened by the fact that the day i had been looking forward to for so long was already over, and partially resigned to the horrible awakening i had waiting for me at home. the sun had already set after a whole day of it shining down so brightly on us, and it felt a little symbolic.
and then, as if the world was playing some cruel joke on me, it started to drizzle.
