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ontrack not being able to accomplish anything fic wise for a REALLY long period weighed me down big time i think. for the longest time, i struggled finishing all the old stuff i had collecting dust on google docs. i started so much new stuff too but never even got past a hundred words so it really still boggles my mind to this day how i was able to FINALLY FINISH THE SEUNGJIN FAKE DATING AU THAT I SPENT SO LONG WORKING ON...
like it's just so weird to me because nothing particularly important happened during those weeks wherein i really pushed myself to write nonstop to finally finish it. normally, i'd get bursts of random energy to edit or add in a few bits once in a while every other month or so, but during that random week in september, i just??? went all out? i wasn't like in a happy mood to write or anything, nor was i in those sad moods that inspire me to write angsty stuff. i MEAN my mom had covid that time and we were all at risk too, but i was just sitting there and writing until i finally finished it? just crazy to me seriously.
AND THEN OCTOBER CAME AND I WROTE THREE MORE THINGS??? AND ACTUALLY FINISHED AND POSTED TOO??? i honestly thought i'd get burnt out after writing 25k of seungjin madness but i didn't? i really don't know what possessed me during that whole time but it was wild to me... as someone who has so many drafts and unfinished business... as someone who quits writing at the slightest inconvenience ever... as someone with the worst attention span and memory and horrible working habits... I DID ALL OF THAT. and i have a serious love-hate relationship with writing, but those few weeks made me really happy about my work for once. like not the fics themselves because they're not as good as i'd like for them to be, but just the fact that i wrote anything in general and actually finished the job. FOUR TIMES. i'm just. pleased that i didn't let another year go by without doing anything special for myself. that's all, really.
i'd like to have those days back.
like it's just so weird to me because nothing particularly important happened during those weeks wherein i really pushed myself to write nonstop to finally finish it. normally, i'd get bursts of random energy to edit or add in a few bits once in a while every other month or so, but during that random week in september, i just??? went all out? i wasn't like in a happy mood to write or anything, nor was i in those sad moods that inspire me to write angsty stuff. i MEAN my mom had covid that time and we were all at risk too, but i was just sitting there and writing until i finally finished it? just crazy to me seriously.
AND THEN OCTOBER CAME AND I WROTE THREE MORE THINGS??? AND ACTUALLY FINISHED AND POSTED TOO??? i honestly thought i'd get burnt out after writing 25k of seungjin madness but i didn't? i really don't know what possessed me during that whole time but it was wild to me... as someone who has so many drafts and unfinished business... as someone who quits writing at the slightest inconvenience ever... as someone with the worst attention span and memory and horrible working habits... I DID ALL OF THAT. and i have a serious love-hate relationship with writing, but those few weeks made me really happy about my work for once. like not the fics themselves because they're not as good as i'd like for them to be, but just the fact that i wrote anything in general and actually finished the job. FOUR TIMES. i'm just. pleased that i didn't let another year go by without doing anything special for myself. that's all, really.
i'd like to have those days back.
